While I enjoy the Flash Fiction from yesterday, Contained is a good example of a story that was hurried. There are several reasons why.
First of all, this story got beyond my control very early on. I crammed tons of back story into the first paragraph to try to give the impression of a story arc, but all that really did was create a paper-thin background and a lot of unanswered questions. The monster, while fun, could have been realized a lot more. There is a brief acknowledgement of a captain and crew but not beyond a very small exchange of dialogue. The death scene of Brian is far too quick. There are all kinds of neat little visuals that I could have added to make the scene more appealing to the senses, and there should have been a slower pace and more dialogue to raise the intensity.
Overall, Contained needs to be a short story. I’ve been digging around for a short story idea for a little while now, so I’m glad to have stumbled onto one. I don’t plan to jump on it immediately, I’ve got my focus on James Adder right now, but I do intend to rewrite Contained in a short story format. It’ll be interesting to see what it grows into.
Shawn Saying Something... 